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  I felt a hand on my shoulder. I blinked.

  “Is anything wrong?” I glanced up and there was this terrific-looking man with the green eyes and the soft gaze trained on me after I’d just sucked his cock. I could still feel his cock fucking my mouth.

  “You can clean up in the first bathroom in the hall,” he insisted, his voice steady and warm. He pointed and I turned and looked.

  “Yeah. Okay.”

  “If you need to rest, you can stay here. It’s Sunday. I have another bedroom if you’d like to relax before you go home.”

  I wanted to tell him I needed to stay with him as long as I was wanted, because I found no pleasure in going home. I found pleasure being with him, but I wouldn’t say it.

  I didn’t want to face anything now. Not work, or the doctors, or my brother Jack coming back to give me another one of his problems I’d have to worry over when I had a baby to think about.

  I didn’t want to be an imposition, and I didn’t know if Dorian had a boyfriend.

  “What will your boyfriend say if he finds a strange man in the house?”

  “Nothing. We broke up when I caught him fucking the veterinarian. Let’s leave it at that. I didn’t fool around and I thought he didn’t, but I was wrong. So it’s over, but we’re still friends.” I thought by the look in his eyes that it was a painful experience, so I changed the subject.

  “I didn’t see your dog. Do you have one? I haven’t had the time to give one my full attention. They need love. Animals need love too. Not just men and women.”

  Dorian crossed his arms and didn’t answer my question, but had a question of his own that I didn’t see coming.

  Dorian aimed those green eyes at me and asked, “What will your girlfriend say when she finds out you’re gay?”

  I rose from my sitting position at his feet, and glared at him. “I’m not gay.” I hadn’t meant to say that to him, but I wouldn’t correct the mistake. Dorian frowned, but he didn’t call me out on it. My words or voice wasn’t convincing, and the cum stuck on my lips and cheeks did little to prove to Dorian of my sincerity. It just made me look like someone in denial. Someone lying to themselves.

  I’d been lying to myself and the world, and I probably needed a new story—maybe I could say that I was bisexual. Maybe that would pass, but by the way Dorian narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow at me, and tied the belt on his robe as tight as he could, I knew he wasn’t persuaded by my shallow response, nor did he feel the same way about me that I now felt about him.

  When he stood facing me, we locked eyes before I headed for the hallway on my way to the restroom. As I turned away from him, he mocked, “Well you gave a good imitation of being gay.”

  Stopping in my tracks, I tightened my jaw. “I just sucked your cock, not penetrated you,” I disputed. “Don’t be fooled by a lapse in judgement.”

  I knew by his expression that I’d hurt him, but I couldn’t take that back. It had been an automatic response, and I was sorry I’d said it, but I was sure Dorian didn’t want to hear my apology at this moment.

  If a picture had been taken with me leaning over Dorian with his cock in my mouth, the way I had it down deep in my throat earlier, that would have been a moot argument. As a lawyer, I knew it wouldn’t hold up in court if I ever found myself there trying to prove I wasn’t gay.

  Dorian suggested I use the bathroom to clean up. He even invited me to stay until I got myself together. I wondered if he still wanted me around after my callous remarks.

  Dorian’s voice disconnected me from my thoughts as I opened the door to the bathroom.

  “Do you suck cock with every man when you find yourself at their door at five in the morning?” Dorian taunted, standing outside the open door.

  “I’ve never sucked a man’s cock in my life, or gone to his door at five o’clock in the morning before this,” I said, my voice filled with anger and disappointment. I was relieved, though, that he didn’t ask another question because this time I’d have to lie. Maybe he didn’t want to hear the answer.

  Dorian turned and strutted down the hallway, going to his bedroom, I imagined. Then I didn’t hear his footsteps. I assumed he’d stopped. I didn’t hear him open a door or close it. After a moment he yelled, “What made me so special?”

  I turned, walking down the hall to face him. As I stood there, looking at him I was thinking, there was something special about him alright. I knew the minute I’d met him. And he knew there was something uncommon going on inside of me. Few men had been able to figure that out, but he hit it on the head. He recognized me for the gay man living inside me, frantic to be released. He’d searched my soul with his touch and his green eyes and he’d found the true me.

  He fascinated me, and I couldn’t forget him.

  I stepped into the bathroom, then closed the door behind me. I stood to listen for his footsteps as they neared the outside of the closed door. I heard Dorian shout. “What makes me special? You didn’t answer my question.”

  Opening the door, I faced Green Eyes. “You’re not special. I just needed to do something. I’ve had a hard night.”

  That was my chance to tell him, but I blew it. I chose the low hanging fruit. It was easier to be sarcastic and obnoxious than to tell him the truth—how I really felt about him. He was the only person I wanted to be with now and in the future.

  “So, when you have a bad night, you knock on my door and suck my cock. Next time, go somewhere else. Go to Annalisa, I’m sure she’d welcome whatever you two do together. Oh, I forgot, she doesn’t have a cock for you to suck, or a pair of balls to tell you to go fuck yourself.”

  He walked away and opened his bedroom door, stepped inside and slammed the door. The paintings shook on the wall.

  I trembled from my stupidity.

  Chapter 13

  Dorian

  After a shower, I expected Jeremy to be gone when I strolled into my living room, headed for my kitchen to cook breakfast, and brew some coffee, but there he was curled up on my sofa, sleeping. I reached in the closet nearby and pulled out a blanket. He must have been cold because he lay there in a fetal position.

  I took a few minutes to gaze at him, let my eyes wander over that incredibly handsome man. There were no words that would do him justice. Tall and gorgeous, blue eyes that could freeze you in your tracks. It wasn’t Helen of Troy that launched a thousand ships, it would be a man like—Jeremy Westbrook.

  He would have been the man who would have launched a thousand ships and had armies fighting over him if he had lived during ancient times, but he lived in my time, and I would fight any battle just to say, “He’s mine.”

  And fuck, look at those muscles. I shook my head and sauntered into the kitchen and took out a skillet, plugged it in, and headed for the fridge to get the bacon. Everyone loved bacon, I thought. And I hoped he did too. I could surprise him with a good breakfast. They said the best way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, and looking at him, he looked as if he enjoyed meat. I chuckled at the thought and glanced over at him sleeping soundly.

  He really didn’t want to go home. I wondered why as I placed the coffee into the Coffeemaker. I knew I wasn’t that charming, where he’d break a date, and then think of me in the morning and come running to me to suck my cock to make up for him ghosting me last night.

  When the coffee had been brewed and the bacon was ready, and I’d tossed some English muffins into the toaster, then buttered them, I saw Jeremy raise his powerful arms over his head.

  “Do you like coffee?” He nodded and raked his hands through his hair, aware of his appearance. “What about eggs?”

  “Eggs, yes. Softly scrambled.” I wanted to say that this wasn’t a café, but not after that fabulous blowjob, and he never asked for anything from me. I’d wanted more from him than he was ready to give. The least I could do was give him a well-deserved breakfast.

  “Do you have an extra toothbrush I may borrow?” Jeremy asked.

  “Sure. But the toothpaste wi
ll ruin the taste of my scramble eggs. Brush after breakfast. I scramble eggs where you swear your mother made them.”

  “My mother never cooked,” he said looking away.

  “That’s too bad. Your maid or nanny.” He glanced at me, raised an eyebrow and walked past me, reached for a cup I’d placed along with a plate, glass for orange juice, and utensils. Then he poured himself a cup of coffee and drank it black.

  “This is good. This is better than a fuck.” Realizing what he’d said, he turned and sat at the island and glared into the cup.

  “That’s because you’ve been fucking the wrong person.” He raised his eyes to meet mine, furrowing his brow, and then he almost smiled. Somehow he knew the truth when he’d heard it.

  Jeremy inhaled and exhaled, looked up at me and smiled when I set the plate of bacon and eggs in front of him. He played with his knife and fork before reaching for a slice of bacon and placed part of it in his mouth and ate it. He took a sip of his coffee, without saying a word, without thanking me. He reached for the buttered English muffin with his mouth full and nodded his head. I guessed that was his way of saying thank you.

  I wasn’t looking for a thank you. I was looking for him. He didn’t appear to be the man I’d known a few days ago, or maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought. However, if there was one thing I did know, he was a gay man who’d been looking for love when he came to my door.

  “Are you going to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “It’s personal.” And he continued eating.

  “It’s personal if you talk to a therapist about your problems, and I think it gets personal when a strange man shows up at your door in the early-fucking-hours of the morning and sucks your cock. It doesn’t get any more personal than that. I don’t know about you, but that is not one of the things I do when I have a problem—go to some strangers house and the first thing I do is go to my knees and ask to suck his dick.”

  “I guess you’re right, but you won’t understand, because it has something to do with a family member.”

  “Maybe you’re right. Family can be the bane of our existence in that they never leave us the fuck alone. And they can cause so much strife in our lives. It’s not like we can tell them to go fuck off and they won’t come back. They are forever there, making us miserable,” I confessed.

  “It appears you have a few issues of your own.” We both chuckled together. And then I drank some coffee and ate breakfast with Jeremy in silence. I didn’t pry into his business and he didn’t inquire as to why I’d made that long statement. After all, it wasn’t supposed to be about me. I wanted to find out what the fuck was wrong with him.

  I let it go and then he glanced down at his watch and said, “The breakfast was great. Let me take you next time. I don’t cook, so I would have to take you out to breakfast. I’ll text you. Where did you say the toothbrush was?”

  “In that small bathroom, in the closet you can find a washcloth, and take a shower before you leave. I would offer you a pair of briefs, new of course, but I don’t think you’re the same size.” He slanted his head and I saw a passing smile. “I sized you up when you were on stage.”

  “Thanks for opening your door.” And he ambled down the hall and into the bathroom.

  WHEN JEREMY RETURNED he’d taken a shower and looked different. He’d combed his silky hair and his suit didn’t look as if it had been soaked and he’d slept in it, which he had. I guessed those expensive suits were made that way. “There are razors and aftershave lotion if you need them. They belonged to my partner.”

  Jeremy tried to open his mouth to say something, but I stopped him before he got the chance. “He doesn’t live here any longer, and I forgot to throw them out, but they were new and I bought them, so no need to waste them. And looking at you, the razor will have served its purpose and gone to good use. Maybe you’ll get a chance to use them again,” I hinted.

  “I don’t think so. I have some very important things to do and I don’t think I’ll see you, or have any time available.”

  Jeremy turned and walked in the direction of the door and stopped. I was right behind him when he turned to say goodbye. Then his watch rang and a text came through, he read it, and then he breathed out loud, rubbed his hand across his face and glanced at me.

  “What is it?” I questioned.

  “It’s nothing. Can you—?” Jeremy couldn’t find the words to ask me something which had me more determined to get it out of him.

  “What? Say it.”

  “I need something from you.”

  “Say it.”

  Jeremey bit his lip and finally said, “I don’t want you to forget me.”

  “Why, are you going somewhere?”

  “No. But it might be a long time before I see you again.”

  “I thought you were going to text me for breakfast?”

  “That’s the future. But there’s another thing I want.”

  “What’s that?” Jeremy stared at me. I couldn’t read his face because I didn’t know him well enough. “What do you want, Jeremy? For fuck’s sake, say it.”

  “I want you to...” and he paused again. Then he walked to me, his long arms hanging down at his side. “I need you to hold me,” he begged, his voice breaking. It took a few minutes before it reached my brain. This handsome man could have anyone willing to hold him and let him make love to them, and he’d asked me to hold him. It was confusing, it was unbelievable, and it was wonderful.

  Reaching for Jeremy, I placed my hands around him and he brought his arms around my neck. I thought it would be the opposite way around. But this morning he needed me to hold him and comfort him, and I felt good that I could do that. I smelled the new aftershave I’d bought for Phillip that he’d never used. It smelled so good on Jeremy as if it was meant for him, and today it was.

  Jeremy pulled away and we looked at each other. He leaned in and his lips brushed mine softly, then he gave over to my hunger for his lips and for his cock. He leaned closer to me as my tongue snaked inside his mouth, and the kiss became desperate and hard. I didn’t want him to leave, and the way he held on to me, he didn’t want to go either.

  Jeremy’s hips banged against mine, and our hard cocks brushed against the fabric of our clothes as we dry fucked each other until Jeremy said in a breathless soft moan. “I have to go.” And he turned quickly and headed for the door. He opened the locks and walked out without turning around.

  Chapter 14

  Jeremy

  Stumbling out of Dorian’s apartment building, I entered my SUV, started the motor and drove. I’d been in a funk so long, I couldn’t tell what was real any more. But I did know that Dorian was real, and what I did to him was real, and how I felt about him was real, and the little baby waiting for me to feed her and hold her, now that was real, too.

  Yet, I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with me. Maybe I was in shock when I found myself at Dorian’s door, or maybe I just wanted to fuck someone, but he should have been the least likely man I thought of, especially since he’d called me out for being a closeted gay. Now he had this over me. He knew my secret, and if he’d ever thought about using it on me, he’d have me at his beck and call, which now I didn’t give a fuck. My life was being turned upside down and I had no control over it anymore, so what was the use in pretending anymore?

  What was I going to do with a child? My brother was never very stable anyway since the accident and now he was out of control. I shouldn’t have been surprised at his action, but I was caught off guard.

  I’d probably be saddled with two children now that Lindsey was no longer here to help me with Carter. I’d better focus on the baby, and stop thinking about Carter. Lindsey had died and left me with a baby. No, it wasn’t Lindsey, it was Carter acting like a child, especially when I had all this shit with Dorian to sort out.

  My mind was muddled with things I couldn’t control. I could lose everything if I didn’t get control over this situation with Dorian. I’d never been
that vulnerable and out of control in my life, and it showed. I didn’t know what Dorian thought of me after the display I’d put on in his apartment. Going to my knees, opening his legs to see that hard cock, and then begging for his cock in my mouth. I must have been a sorry sight. He must be laughing at me right now, maybe calling up his friends to gossip about me.

  What the fuck was wrong with me. I didn’t think he was the kind of man who would do that? I was just paranoid and scared. Scared that I liked him too much, and scared of my responsibilities to a child.

  My world was crashing and I couldn’t hold it together.

  Dorian had given me what I’d asked for, but what choice did he have? I was like a thirsty man in the desert, who would have drunk sand thinking it was water in the middle of nowhere.

  I should have been with Annalisa. I’d made a mistake. Was it really a mistake? I didn’t think so, but I didn’t know how the fuck I’d ended up at Dorian’s door. I was standing at the very man’s home I didn’t want to be at when I’d felt helpless.

  I knew, I’d gone there to tell him why I couldn’t meet him for dinner, and what had happened at the hospital. I must have blanked out, because the next thing I knew, I was at his feet sucking his cock. That was not going to hold up, not even for me to process. I’d been drinking, but I’d drunk more than that before, and never made a mistake like that.

  I was going to have to show up at the hospital now, but I needed to talk to Annalisa first. I turned at the next intersection and headed to her apartment. I hit a button and her phone rang. She answered.

  “Annalisa, I’m coming over.”

  “Glad to hear from you too, Jeremy. Have you eaten breakfast? I was just about to cook something.”